Author: Richie Jackson

Categories
general

Circles

Life is one big circle. So many facets of our existence are truly ironic. We spend all our lives trying to find meaning. We have jobs we despise in order to make that “decent paycheck” thinking money is going to unravel the mystery of the universe. What do we need the money for anyway; to buy more things? Why do we need so many gadgets and toys? If I didn’t have to work so hard to make money, I wouldn’t have to spend so much money to feel better about working so hard.

And so, like so many people I know, I have missed the big picture. Every once in a while I am able to take a step back from myself and catch my breath. What I observe is hysterical. I run away from what I need to obtain that which confuses me into running away even more.

What would happen if I just stopped running for once?

Categories
general

Don’t Fear the Reaper

I was really upset when Showtime decided to cancel “Dead Like Me” back in 2004. I had finally found a show with a good plot, good character development, and superb writing wrapped up neatly in a comedy wrapper. And then almost as soon as I had found this perfect show, it was gone. Wikipedia had this to say about possible reasons for its demise:

There were several inconsistencies in the series which, rumor has it, contributed to its cancellation: We are told gravelings can vaguely be seen “out of the corner of the eye”, yet several episodes suggest otherwise. We are told reapers can only reap souls assigned to them; some episodes follow this rule (and found the plot on it) while other episodes prove the opposite. Reapers have no special powers except fast healing, yet at one point reapers sit on a virtually unclimbable tower in the middle of the city without being noticed in broad daylight.

My response to this? So what! Since when does a TV show have to be consistent? We will find inconsistencies in every movie and TV show we watch if we look for them. With “Dead Like Me”, the show was put together so well that it is easy to look past any inconsistencies and see the show for what it is: Fantastic Entertainment!

I bring this up now because the Sci-Fi Channel will start airing repeats of “Dead Like Me” starting on Tuesday, July, 18th. I highly suggest that you watch this show. Do what you have to do; set your VCRs (if you still have this archaic and antiquated technology), set up your season passes or schedule your DVRs and prepare to be amused by this wonderful show.

Categories
rant

Midnight Rider

I hate cars. I am tired of paying every month for a car that is aging its way towards obsoleteness. And then I have to pay for insurance. Someone please tell me what this is about; I am forced to pay some bloated company my hard earned money every month just in case something happens to my car. And then when something does happen, I not only get to pay a deductible, but then also higher insurance rates. To top it all off if something happens to my car that I can’t file as an insurance claim, I have the privilege of paying some mechanic an ungodly amount of money to tell me what is wrong, and then an unholy amount to fix it.

I hate mechanics. I think the bit Dane Cook talks about auto mechanics sums it up perfectly.

“It’s that same vibe that you get with any auto mechanic you’ve ever dealt with. Even though you’re listening and nodding, in your head you’re like “this guy is f*ckin’ me big time”. You just believe whatever they say:

Mechanic: “Yeah we had to replace the roof on your car, it was starting to peel back.  It resented the rest of the car, so we replaced that. Also, there was a tiny unicorn in your exhaust and he was jumping and poking holes in your exhaust, and he was sh*tting in your filters as well. So we had to get that out of there.”

Dane: “Wow, thank you very much. I did not know that there was a tiny mythological animal jumping around in there… that’s very dangerous. Sh*tting in filters, no way. Especially with a road trip coming up, that’s very dangerous. That little son of a b. How much is that? Seven thousand? I was going to suggest, I’d like to pay seven thousand’ish, I’d love to pay for that. Thank you for not f*ckin’ me big time!”

-Dane Cook

I pick my car up from the mechanic tomorrow. I admit that it was my fault. I should have been paying more attention to the road. I am glad my car handled as well as it did. If it didn’t I would have not only skid all over the road, but have hit a couple of cars a long the way. I am lucky (actually I thank God he spared me from an accident) that no damage came to my car other than the damage of skidding 100 feet, and that I am still alive. A couple bald spots on my tire, a little out of alignment, but all in all, no worse for the ware. $235 later and my car is back in business.

So I got lucky this time. Keep an eye out on those tiny unicorns, they’ll get ya every time.

Categories
general

My Own Private Idaho

My trip to Boise was so much fun. My biggest regret was the fact that I couldn’t spend more time there. It was so nice seeing old friends and co-workers. I was greeted by so many friends my first night. Even my old boss decided to pay a visit. I will say that the whole experience inflated my already over sized ego. My vacation was one party after another, and I am really glad I went.

Being back in Boise made me question my reasons for leaving. I don’t think I should be in Utah right now. Boise feels like home to me. It feels more like home than Southern California. I left DirecTV for selfish reasons. I do not think I made the right decision when I left. T-Mobile turned out to be a huge mistake, so I took the first job that was offered and that was in Utah. So here I am. I did want to go back to DirecTV, but I always assumed that I burned too many bridges by leaving. Turns out this may not be the case. After talking with several employees, it seems like there may be a chance for me to be a Team Leader in that building again. I, of course am not getting my hopes up, however, this would be excellent for me if it were true.

Don’t get me wrong, I do like my job now. The problem I have been facing lately is the fact that it bores me. The Team Leader position at DTV was never boring; never a dull moment. Here I have practically no responsibility. I come to work, earn my paycheck, and then leave. I have no opportunity to make someone smile and laugh or leave some random, unwanted pearl of wisdom. I miss that. I miss making a difference. I miss DTV.

So what do I do now? Where do I go from here? Do I move back? In the last 5 years I have moved across state lines six times. Moving back to Boise would be move number seven. I don’t even know if I have the energy in me to do it again, let alone the money to cover moving expenses.

Only time will tell how this will all play out, but I think it’s obvious what I want to do, for now. I need to just make up my mind and figure out what I want in life.

Categories
rant work

Smoke on the Water

It’s been kind of a rough month for me. I have been going through a lot of personal issues that have absorbed most of my time. Because I am a glutton for punishment I have also quit smoking. This is not the first time I have quit, but with God’s help it will certainly be the last.

I have noticed an increase in my agitation towards everything and everyone. Mainly my frustration has been coming from my customer’s at work. I have been in the customer service industry for quite some time, but the last 3 weeks have been hellish. I have had no compassion or patience lately. I hate thinking that this is a result from my quitting smoking, but I believe this to be true.

Have I really become so dependent on nicotine that I need it in order to function properly? I think so. Since I am being so cynical I would like to point out a recent observation. This may make me feel a little better, or much worse. Either way, I almost care.

If you are going to pay someone for a product or service, it is best to understand the product or service you are purchasing. When you buy a car from the car dealership you spend thousands of dollars, yet you should never expect them to teach you how to drive. It is assumed by the Car dealership before you purchase a car that you know how to drive (They also make sure you have a drivers license, which is a good idea – more on that real soon). Buying web hosting is the same. We will help you as much as we can, however we will not help you build a website. It is assumed by us that when you purchase web hosting that you already know what domains, email addresses and FTP Clients are. Maybe we should also check for web design licenses before we allow customers to sign up.

I need some sleep. When I get home tonight I am going to fall asleep while watching Mythbusters. If I am lucky it will include a myth that involves blowing something up and causing a huge fire in the sky.

Categories
general

Pardon Me

Have you ever come to the realization that if anyone knew exactly what was going on in your head they would understand how neurotic you really are? Every day that goes by I realize more and more how crazy I am. I am not normal. There is something wrong with me.

Now the fact that I am aware of this is at least the first step on the path to recovery.

Here are some things that I do that are kind of weird:

Whenever I am smoking a cigarette while I’m driving down the freeway, it is my goal to make it last at least 7 exits. If I am done with it before 7 exits I get really disappointed. How did I come up with 7? I have no idea.

Whenever I am in the car by myself I make up my own words to songs on the radio. Sometimes I even laugh out loud at myself when I hear what a dork I am. Why do I laugh out loud? Because it’s funny!

I sometimes dream about what it would be like to have been born 300 years in the future. I envision a world without war, violence, hunger, greed and I want to be part of it. I admit this mainly stems from my love for all of the “Star Trek” Series. I think this planet is capable of peace, and I wish I could be around to see it happen.

I reorganize my wallet at least once a week. I also clean out my computer desk drawer and reorganize it. I think I suffer from a minor case of obsessive compulsive disorder. If ever there are 2 objects on my desk pointing in dissimilar directions, it will bug the snot out of me. Because I am lazy, however, I usually don’t get up to fix it, which is why I go through life with constant discomfort and disappointment.

I have come so close to buying the “Magic Bullet” blender from the late night television advertisements. The nacho cheese they make looks so good.

I find myself more attracted to women who are already in relationships. This has been true for years. I am pretty sure this makes me a bad person.

This is just a small taste of how crazy I am. Maybe in future entries I will let you in on more secrets.

Categories
mushy

Breathe

I have been down for a while. I am wondering why I am here. I am wondering what I am doing. I believe God has a plan for me, I just wish I knew what it was, and if I am too far gone to fulfill it. There’s a light at each end of this tunnel and I’m just as far in as I’ll ever be out. These mistakes I’ve made, I’ll just make them again; if I only tried turning around.

Or maybe that’s what Utah represents. Maybe I am turning around. I am heading back the way I came. But that’s geographical. Internally I continue to run, like I always do. I can no longer run from myself. It is impossible. It is reckless. The more I run the more I lose myself and the more I lose myself the more I don’t like what I have become. This only causes me to continue running.

How do I break the cycle? What can I do? Do I even deserve to be happy? Maybe I am meant to continue wandering, remaining unattached from the world, myself, and everyone else.

We can’t jump the track; we’re like cars on a cable. Life’s like an hourglass glued to the table. No one can find the rewind button. So we cradle our head in our hands, and breathe. Just breathe.

Categories
mushy

Thief

I am a thief, I am a murderer
Walking up this lonely hill
What have I done? I don’t remember
No one knows just how I feel
And I know that my time is coming soon

It’s been so long. Oh, such a long time
Since I’ve lived with peace and rest
Now I am here, my destination
I guess things work for the best
And I know that my time is coming soon

Who is this man? This man beside me
That they call the King of the Jews
They don’t believe that He’s the Messiah
But, somehow I know it’s true

They laugh at Him in mockery,
And beat Him till he bleeds
They nail Him to the rugged cross,
They raised Him, they raise Him up next to me

My time has come, I’m slowly fading
I deserve what I receive
“Jesus when You are in Your kingdom,
Could You please remember me?”

And He looks at me still holding on
The tears fall from His eyes
He says “I tell the truth,
Today, you will be with Me in paradise”

And I know that my time is coming soon
And I know paradise is coming soon

-Third Day

Christ gave up His life, was nailed to a cross, and was tortured to death to pay for our sins. Three days later he arose to give us hope. We can all ask Jesus to remember us, though, He has never forgotten. He knew us before we were even created. He knows us better than we know ourselves, and He wants us all to live with Him in paradise.

He has arisen too heaven! Let’s meet Him there.

Categories
general

Open Road Song

Tonight I feel ambitious
And so does my foot as it sinks on the pedal
I press it to the floor
I don’t need a girl don’t need a friend
Cause my friend lonesome’s unconditional
We’re flying forever bored
And for a moment I love everything
That I see and think and feel
I love my broken side view mirror
Cause it’s so perfect
I’m so perfect, you’re so perfect, you’re not here
I hear the change in gears

Actually my car wasn’t changing gears at all. My check engine light came on last week. I figured that since my car was still running perfectly and was not overheating that it was some simple fix. Being the responsible car owner that I am, I decided to take it to Auto Zone for a free check engine light test. Of course, they didn’t have the correct codes for this particular issue. They told me I would have to take it to a dealer to get it checked out, but that they could see that the issue was something to do with a transmission sensor. Saturday night, on my way home from work my car started running really poorly. It was constantly at 5k RPM’s when I was only doing 40mph. Then I started smelling something funny from up under the hood. “We’ve got a piper down, I repeat, the piper is DOWN!”

My pile shakes as I hit 35mph on the open road.

To make a long story short, my car is drivable again. I only had to spend $640 to make this possible. I hate car dealerships, they always bend you over. I will say this though; they were fast and very good about shuttling me around when my car was in their care. Also, my car is running better than it has in a long time. You can’t put a price tag on that. You can, however, put a price tag on a transmission solenoid sensor replacement and transmission flush, and apparently that price is $635.83.

Good thing for me I have a money tree in the back yard that I can hit up whenever it’s convenient. I should get one for my parents, since they constantly reminded me when I was a kid that they didn’t have one, especially around Christmas time. Maybe I will get them their own money tree for Christmas this year.

So now, it’s time for a cruise on the open road. I will hopefully be making my way up to Boise in the near future.

I crack a window and feel the cool air cleanse my every pore
As I pour my poor heart out
To a radio song that’s patient and willing to listen
My volume drowns it out
But that’s ok cause I sound better then him anyway any day
Yeah my voice is sweet as salt
I search for comfort and I’ve found it where I’ve found it many times before
Times before can be forgotten

Categories
general

Days Go By

Days go by and still I think of you, days when I couldn’t live my life without you.I am now living in Utah. I have been here for almost 2 weeks. Things are definitely different. Different job, different state, different environment. My car almost ran out of gas the other day, so I pulled up into a gas station to find it was closed! A gas station was closed! Welcome to Utah!

I miss all my friends in Boise. I made a lot of good friends out there. I can’t believe I lived in Boise for almost 3 years. I normally don’t stay in a place long enough to make the high caliber friends that I made, but Boise was the exception. I had a good thing going for me there, but I needed a change. I felt too stagnant. I have done some soul searching. I think I am somewhat afraid of being happy. I don’t know what to do when I’m happy. It feels wrong. When things are complicated and confusing and difficult I know what to do. Those types of situations I am comfortable with because I have been dealing with those types of situations for the past decade.

Thank you to all of you who came out to Lindy’s on my last night in Boise. I appreciate all of you so much. In a month I will be heading out there for an extended weekend. I will make sure Thursday night at Lindy’s is off the hook. Tell Wendy I’m coming!

Days go by and I get more comfortable with being out here. It almost feels like I never left. I have hooked up with my old friends out here and been having a blast. I have been hanging out with Wes, and Kris, and even Ryssa. Today I put my new computer desk together so I no longer have to sit on the floor to get online.

Now that I am closer to home I need to plan a trip to California. There are a lot of people out there that are important to me that I haven’t seen in a while.

You are still a whisper on my lips, a feeling at my finger tips, pulling at my skin. You leave me when I’m at my worst, feeling as if I’ve been cursed by the bitter cold within.