Author: Richie Jackson

Categories
general

Traffic in the Sky

There’s traffic in the sky
And it doesn’t seem to be getting much better
There’s kids playing games on the pavement
Drawing waves on the pavement
Shadows of the planes on the pavement
It’s enough to make me cry
But that don’t seem like it would make it feel better
Maybe it’s a dream and if I scream
It will burst at the seams and
This whole place will fall into pieces

I moved away from home in California 5 years ago to start a new life and clean up my act. I thought it was a good idea. It took 3 years and 4 moves later to finally clean up, and even still I am not the best person. I still have my immaturities and rough spots.

I have become real good at one thing over the last 5 years though. Moving. Disappearing. Changing. Not only have I become good at it, but I even enjoy it. I like the look of my car when it’s packed full of my life’s belongings. I like the feel of the open road, knowing that when I reach my destination I have a new life waiting for me. Wait. A new life? That’s not right. Have I become so diluted as to think that changing my surroundings will fix me? Shouldn’t I have figured out by now that moving does not solve anything? But, then again, getting out of California was good for me, right?

Puzzle pieces in the ground
but no one ever seems to be digging
Instead they’re looking up towards the heavens
with their eyes on the heavens
The shadows on the way to the heavens
It’s enough to make me cry
But that don’t seem like it would make it feel better
The answers could be found
We could learn from digging down
But no one ever seems to be digging

I leave Boise on Sunday. I am moving back to Utah. Why? That’s an extremely good question; one that I am not sure I know the answer too. It just feels right to me. I am done with the call center supervisor gig for now. I am ready for a change in careers. I want to get back into technology. I want to be closer to home. With the job in Orem, I will be doing what I love, and will not be responsible for anyone else but me. There is a lot of stress I feel now that I won’t feel at this new job.

Words of wisdom all around
But no one ever seems to listen
They talk about their plans on the paper
Building up from the pavement
There’re shadows from the scrapers on the pavement
It’s enough to make me sigh
But that don’t seem like it would make it feel better
The words are all around
But the words are only sounds
And no one ever seems to listen

So many of my friends in Boise tell me I am making a bad decision. They think I am running away from my problems instead of confronting them. I don’t think that is the case at all, in fact I am not even sure what problems they think I’m running away from. I have made some bad relationship decisions lately, and have been struggling at work, but nothing that I need to run away from. This is a good opportunity for me. This move is calculated. I just have to be careful about future moves. I can only stretch myself out so much. It does take a large amount of energy to adjust to a new place and new people. I might get to the point where moving for a job opportunity just isn’t worth it.

If you keep adding stones, soon the water will be lost from the well.

Categories
mushy

Shine All the Time

There was a string of pearls and I gave them to the sky. I honestly tried to play the games that you designed. Emotional swings leave us left with only desire, and we swing around alive. It’s only alive if love stays alive. You know you’re not really alive; you’re just a shadow falling behind. No matter how much you try you can’t make the sun shine all the time.

I turned away; you started to say what a dream it could be. I shifted my eyes. I tried to be kind. When there’s no one and there’s no hope then there’s nothing left to believe.

So where are you now? I’m wondering how to fall down on my knees and finally admit all the things I believe.

Categories
general

Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off

The last few weeks have been really fun. I am now on the third and final 3-day weekend in a row. Yesterday was my last day in training. We had a really awesome graduation ceremony at work. After work the entire crew decided to go out for “a couple” drinks. I am really excited about being their coach. They are a fantastic group of individuals who work hard and strive for the best. This is the last time I am able to hang out with them in this capacity because as of tomorrow I become their supervisor. So last night we cut loose!

Now that I think about it, I have been doing a lot of cutting loose lately. Last weekend was new years eve. What a crazy night! Bottles, cans, keg, shots, mixers, you name it… we had it! I knew the party was off to a great start when we discovered the puke in the laundry room. (And we still don’t know who did it!)

I was told that I kind of played bartender for the first half of the party, that is, until I got too drunk to even speak clearly. You see, I made up a drink while I still lived in Utah that people seem to enjoy. You too can make this special drink! Just follow along with these 5 simple steps (I make learning fun!):

Green Caribbean

1. Get a really big glass with ice.
2. Pour in a lot of Bacardi O (or any orange flavored rum for you frugal types)
3. Pour in a lot of Malibu Rum (cheap stuff works too)
4. Add Mountain Dew (almost to top of glass) and mix
5. Add 1 shot of Midori Melon Liqueur (do not mix)

There was another drink I made that night. This is a drink I made for Ashley that got her tilted! I don’t have a name for it yet, but it’s really simple to make; just a little expensive, heh. Start off with a bottle of Remy Martin VSOP Cognac (See, we are already off to a great start). Mix it with Wal-Mart generic brand guava nectar. About 1 part Remy to 2 parts guava. Yummy!

It is time to get back to business though. Training is over. Play time has ended. No more partying for Richie, not until I get settled in. I want to really excel at this new job. I have high expectations of myself. Ok, so, I will have the occasional shot of tequila or five.. nothing wrong with that!

Categories
mushy

Better Off Alone

Do you think you’re better off alone? I think I might be.

I have been alone for so long I have grown accustomed to it. I like being alone. I have learned to like myself. It doesn’t bother me being alone anymore. It used too. I used to never like just having some “me” time. Now, I rather enjoy it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m starting to like her. I enjoy hanging out with her; just not as often as she enjoys hanging out with me. There are some nights where I would rather watch what my Tivo has recorded than hang out with her. Is that bad? Is it pathetic? Either way, it’s the truth.

Categories
mushy

A Long December

A long December and there’s reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last. I can’t remember the last thing that you said as you were leaving. Now the days go by so fast.

I can’t find a word to describe how I am feeling. This time of year is especially hard for me ever since I moved away from home. I wasn’t always this over-sentimental until I was so far removed from my family and friends. I wish it were possible to go home for the holidays this year. It’s been so long since I’ve seen the ocean, guess I should.

It is hard to get excited about anything. My mind seems eternally fixated on the memories of distant winters in California. I think of all the times with friends and family, and those with whom for a brief moment in time I was in love. Oh to be young and carefree again is a dream that I imagine we all share from time to time. A time when being in love was as easy as getting a sunburn and getting heartbroken hurt just as bad, until a new love interest made its presence known the next day.

Today love is complicated. It has rules. It is defined. Why? Why can’t I allow myself to just be happy with someone? Why do I allow disappointment and anguish to characterize my very being? Why do I pursue and get into relationships which I KNOW have no chance of ever ultimately succeeding? What am I hiding? What am I afraid of?

It’s 5am. It is time to sleep. Maybe if I am lucky I will have that dream of being young and carefree and in love. I can’t remember all the times I tried to tell myself to hold on to these moments as they pass.

Categories
work

Gone

Gone going
Gone everything
Gone give a damn
Gone be the birds when they don’t want to sing
Gone people
All awkward with their things
Gone

Tomorrow is my last day at DirecTV. It is going to be tough to say goodbye to my teammates, my friends, my co-workers, pretty much everyone. In the last 2 years I have forged many relationships, professional and personal; relationships in which I place a very high value. It is hard to believe that tomorrow, everything changes.

Well look at you out to make a deal
You try to be appealing but you lose your appeal
And what about those shoes you’re in today
They’ll do no good
On the bridges you burnt along the way

I am trying as hard as I possibly can to not burn any bridges. It is impossible not to burn any. The very act of me leaving burns several bridges. I know I will never be able to step foot in that building as a team leader ever again. I hope I made the right decision.

Categories
work

The Distance

They deftly maneuver and muscle for rank,
Fuel burning fast on an empty tank,
Reckless and wild they pour through the turns,
Their prowess is potent and secretly stern.
As they speed through the finish the flags go down.
The fans get up, and get out of town.
The arena is empty except for one man,
Still driving and striving as fast as he can.

I was made an offer by another company. I accepted the offer. I will start on November 7th. My last day at DirecTV will be October 31st. I will then take a week long vacation and mentally prepare for the new job.

There are a myriad of emotions I am feeling right now. Excitement, of course; but the excitement is being slightly soured by fear, guilt and sadness. I love my job at DirecTV. I am in no way leaving because of any disdain or negative feelings about my current employer. I love the people in the building. I believe strongly in our product and the direction our business owners are heading.

Am I leaving for money? This new company is offering me a substantially larger salary base than DirecTV is. Does this make me greedy? Probably, a little. I would be an idiot if I turned down this offer.

I am going the distance, and I am a little nervous.

Categories
work

Two Step

Celebrate we will, because life is short but sweet for certain. We’re climbing two by two, to be sure these days continue.
These things we cannot change.

There might be some change in my life. I have been exploring several job opportunities, the best of which is T-Mobile. I have been really impressed by their building, organizational structure, managers, and recruitment process. If they really impress me with a job offer and nice salary I will leave DirecTV.

Please don’t misunderstand me. I love my job now. DirecTV has been really good to me and taught me a lot in the way of call center business. For that I will be forever grateful. If I am offered a similar position at T-Mobile, how much more then could I grow? I would have the chance to learn a new perspective, and get to know new people.

I am really excited about how my interview went yesterday morning. I thought it went really well and hope to hear back from the Hiring Managers soon. But for the first time in my life I am not stressing about an interview. I do not need to stress about it. I do want the job, but, if I am not made an offer, I still have a wonderful position within DirecTV.

I am in a slightly better mood today. It is a good day. Nice weather and no work.. I think I will go eat some sushi.

Yah. Sushi it is.

Categories
mushy

Come Undone

A sad day.

I do not like myself lately. I feel pieces of my life unraveling before me. I am losing myself. Where do I go to find what I have lost? Do I even want to find what I am looking for? What am I looking for?

I feel so alone. It is dark and cold. Where is the sun?

Who do you need, who do you love, when you come undone?

Categories
rant

November Rain

This is my punishment for not donating to the Red Cross for hurricane Katrina victims.

I woke up this morning to find my dog sleeping on the bed, which is unusual, because usually she is sleeping on the floor by the time I wake up. I take a step and there is a squish. My first thought is that my dog had an accident on the floor. Then I take another step… squish. Another step, another squish. Something is wrong. I open up my bedroom door to find water leaking out of my air conditioning vent in the hallway.

I prayed I was still dreaming. This is no dream. I call the maintenance guy and he gets the water off as soon as he can. The heat coil in the hot water heater busted. The whole apartment is soaked. They are going to move me into another apartment for a few days while they replace or dry out the carpet in here.

What a way to start off the day. I need help moving all of my stuff. Hopefully I can find someone to help.