Category: mushy

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Thief

I am a thief, I am a murderer
Walking up this lonely hill
What have I done? I don’t remember
No one knows just how I feel
And I know that my time is coming soon

It’s been so long. Oh, such a long time
Since I’ve lived with peace and rest
Now I am here, my destination
I guess things work for the best
And I know that my time is coming soon

Who is this man? This man beside me
That they call the King of the Jews
They don’t believe that He’s the Messiah
But, somehow I know it’s true

They laugh at Him in mockery,
And beat Him till he bleeds
They nail Him to the rugged cross,
They raised Him, they raise Him up next to me

My time has come, I’m slowly fading
I deserve what I receive
“Jesus when You are in Your kingdom,
Could You please remember me?”

And He looks at me still holding on
The tears fall from His eyes
He says “I tell the truth,
Today, you will be with Me in paradise”

And I know that my time is coming soon
And I know paradise is coming soon

-Third Day

Christ gave up His life, was nailed to a cross, and was tortured to death to pay for our sins. Three days later he arose to give us hope. We can all ask Jesus to remember us, though, He has never forgotten. He knew us before we were even created. He knows us better than we know ourselves, and He wants us all to live with Him in paradise.

He has arisen too heaven! Let’s meet Him there.

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mushy

Shine All the Time

There was a string of pearls and I gave them to the sky. I honestly tried to play the games that you designed. Emotional swings leave us left with only desire, and we swing around alive. It’s only alive if love stays alive. You know you’re not really alive; you’re just a shadow falling behind. No matter how much you try you can’t make the sun shine all the time.

I turned away; you started to say what a dream it could be. I shifted my eyes. I tried to be kind. When there’s no one and there’s no hope then there’s nothing left to believe.

So where are you now? I’m wondering how to fall down on my knees and finally admit all the things I believe.

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mushy

Better Off Alone

Do you think you’re better off alone? I think I might be.

I have been alone for so long I have grown accustomed to it. I like being alone. I have learned to like myself. It doesn’t bother me being alone anymore. It used too. I used to never like just having some “me” time. Now, I rather enjoy it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m starting to like her. I enjoy hanging out with her; just not as often as she enjoys hanging out with me. There are some nights where I would rather watch what my Tivo has recorded than hang out with her. Is that bad? Is it pathetic? Either way, it’s the truth.

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mushy

A Long December

A long December and there’s reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last. I can’t remember the last thing that you said as you were leaving. Now the days go by so fast.

I can’t find a word to describe how I am feeling. This time of year is especially hard for me ever since I moved away from home. I wasn’t always this over-sentimental until I was so far removed from my family and friends. I wish it were possible to go home for the holidays this year. It’s been so long since I’ve seen the ocean, guess I should.

It is hard to get excited about anything. My mind seems eternally fixated on the memories of distant winters in California. I think of all the times with friends and family, and those with whom for a brief moment in time I was in love. Oh to be young and carefree again is a dream that I imagine we all share from time to time. A time when being in love was as easy as getting a sunburn and getting heartbroken hurt just as bad, until a new love interest made its presence known the next day.

Today love is complicated. It has rules. It is defined. Why? Why can’t I allow myself to just be happy with someone? Why do I allow disappointment and anguish to characterize my very being? Why do I pursue and get into relationships which I KNOW have no chance of ever ultimately succeeding? What am I hiding? What am I afraid of?

It’s 5am. It is time to sleep. Maybe if I am lucky I will have that dream of being young and carefree and in love. I can’t remember all the times I tried to tell myself to hold on to these moments as they pass.

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mushy

Come Undone

A sad day.

I do not like myself lately. I feel pieces of my life unraveling before me. I am losing myself. Where do I go to find what I have lost? Do I even want to find what I am looking for? What am I looking for?

I feel so alone. It is dark and cold. Where is the sun?

Who do you need, who do you love, when you come undone?

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mushy

Boulevard Of Broken Dreams

On the road of life one can travel millions of miles. To traverse this distance sanely one must have a companion; someone to tell you to “Watch Out!” when an obstacle fast approaches; someone to hum the tune of that song of which neither could remember the lyrics. Yes a companion would be nice. I walk alone.

Don’t get me wrong. I have the strength given to me by Him who saved me. He has given me a great deal of courage and comfort. I thank God every day for what He has done in my life. And I have a wonderful family. I love all of them, including my new step family. I have even made some decent friends in Idaho.

But I need a companion; someone to share my fears and my desires; someone who’s life reflects the music she creates just by sharing a single thought. It is an impossible search. The perfect relationship is a chirping canary in the mineshaft of despair.

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mushy work

Shut the F%#$ Up & Dance

Last night was crazy. I had fun, but it definitely got weird. For those reading this that was there, this was my rationale:

1. I had to get home. I have this responsibility to the CSRs on my team that far supersedes my right to completely let go on a work week.
2. Yah, I saw her. Believe me, I noticed. I was not about to take advantage of a situation just because I could. And in the condition she was in, it for sure would have been taking advantage.
3. He was with her; “Mr. just can’t take a hint”. I’m not a toe stepper. I don’t interfere when someone else is already spitting game. If he left, and she stayed, then things might have been a little different.

But, again, I had a lot of fun, and I definitely would not mind seeing her again. And now it’s work time. Gotta Go.