Categories
general

Falling Up

Things feel weird. It is hard to put my finger on. It feels like a transitional phase. I have learned to proceed with caution during these times in my life. Who knows what is behind the next corner. It could be good, it could be bad. The trick is defensive driving; keep my foot close to the break, and start slowing down.

But what fun is there in that?

What happened to the good ‘ole days of pushing the gas to the floor, with the music cranked all the way up? We all slow down. We all grow up. We have to start making better decisions someday, right? My day has come. I probably made enough bad decisions to last 3 lifetimes. I changed due to necessity, not by choice. It might have taken me a lot longer to snap out of it if the circumstances were different.

Ultimately though, I am happy where I am at. I think I have always been able to cope well with my newest environments. It is a gift the Good Lord gave me; to see the positive in every situation and make the best of everything. His sense of peace follows me wherever I go.

So why be cautious during times of transition then? You are right. I might as well push down that gas pedal and hit that corner as fast as I can. What’s the worst that can happen?

Lets find out…

Categories
mushy work

Shut the F%#$ Up & Dance

Last night was crazy. I had fun, but it definitely got weird. For those reading this that was there, this was my rationale:

1. I had to get home. I have this responsibility to the CSRs on my team that far supersedes my right to completely let go on a work week.
2. Yah, I saw her. Believe me, I noticed. I was not about to take advantage of a situation just because I could. And in the condition she was in, it for sure would have been taking advantage.
3. He was with her; “Mr. just can’t take a hint”. I’m not a toe stepper. I don’t interfere when someone else is already spitting game. If he left, and she stayed, then things might have been a little different.

But, again, I had a lot of fun, and I definitely would not mind seeing her again. And now it’s work time. Gotta Go.

Categories
family

Take Me To Your Leader

I really enjoyed my sister’s visit. I hope she can come and visit again soon. I had forgotten how nice it was to be around real family. I say “real” family because one of my favorite techniques for coping with new situations and places is to create a surrogate family. I round up some close friends I have made and then assign certain roles. Undoubtedly the first to be picked are the younger brother and sister types. You see, I am the oldest of 4 kids; 2 sisters, 1 brother. I have become used to being the one looked up too, or the one that makes the bad mistakes to ensure everyone else can learn from it. In this role I am a psychologist, the listener, the one that gives superb advice. In this role I am almost without fault. It is good for my ego.

Next I choose someone like my father. I choose someone who reminds me of my dad, not someone to replace the father/son relationship; someone smart, wise, hard working, funny, conservative, someone who is able to push me outside my comfort limits. This is always the person I relate to the best. Someone I can talk to for hours and say some pretty absurd thing, and have them understand. These friends are the types of friends that stick around for a few years.

Next on the assignment list would be my mom. This person is also smart, like my dad, however is not quite as conservative. This person I can relate to for different reasons. I can commiserate with this person. I learn so much just from how this person’s life has turned out. This person can lift me up when I am down.

What is sad is that I admit to doing this. It makes sense to me though. I think anyone that goes to a new place should try to find parallels to their old life. It helps me understand the differences in us all.

The truth is, however, we don’t all fit in nice perfect packages. Sometimes the lines get blurred a bit. The trick is not looking too hard. Let people be who they are and not compare too closely to anyone else.

Easier said than done.

Categories
work

Pearls To Swine

Things change back. No, not way back; not like I was. Not like before I moved out of my house in Southern California. I will never be that person again. I’m not changing, just my situation. I knew that business needs could change and that the position I was in might not translate into a permanent position. Sherman made that clear to me when I was upgraded.

Since January 29th I have been working hard to learn the way business is handled in all areas. I have learned how to handle certain situations that I never even originally made contingencies for. Most importantly I have learned how to pro actively remove “Trip Wires”; things that could be damaging to an employee or the business. I don’t think I have ever thought on such a Global scale before. Prior to my upgrade I did not spend much time assessing what kind of impact that a seemingly small decision would have, and now I can’t take a step in that building without wondering how it’s going to affect the people around me.

I have not been asked to go back to the floor yet, but I am one of few remaining of what’s left of the upgrades. I might not be out the door yet, but I am definitely being handed my hat and coat. At this point it is just a matter of time; a phone call asking me what call type I would like to go to. I have thoroughly enjoyed being part of the ACDT group. It has definitely been a learning process as everything has. I am sure something can be done to accommodate staying around ACDT for a bit.

For almost 2 years now I have wanted to be a team leader in that building. Now that I have had but a small taste, I can tell you that nothing has changed. Even after weighing my failures, I can say that I feel my successes more than make up for it. The responsibility and ownership that comes with the role is, for some, a tremendous pressure, one that overwhelms and consumes. Not me. I thrived on it. I ate it up; every last piece.

So what now? Nothing. Everything. I’m going to keep do what I have been doing, until I am told otherwise. Over the years I have learned how to very successfully lead from the middle of the pack, so to speak. If that is the only opportunity I will have for now, I will seize it. Most importantly I am going to remain positive in all of this. I have no need or desire to be anything other than positive.

Categories
general work

Between a Bullet and a Target

I have moved out of that house. That door is closed. The final chapter has been written. The book has been published and then immediately tossed into the flames. The burning embers are all that’s left from that time of my life. This is not the first time that I have gladly left a situation or place. This time, however, I am not running away. Too many times before I was in a situation that grew way beyond my control. This time the roles have reversed, and I have outgrown my environment. I am moving on, not running away.

It took one week to move all my belongings from the house to my new apartment. It then took another week to clean out the house. It was bad. The house was trashed. It was the product of people that did not care about anything.

After James got fired from his job and bailed I may have over reacted. I have been burned too many times by roommates. This situation feels different. I hope I’m right. If I get burned one more time, I don’t know how I will react.

But now it is done. I look forward to living with Chris. He just got back from the Philippines yesterday and things are cool. I am glad that my dog has warmed up to him. My bigger concern, however was that Chris would warm up to her, but that also seems to be a non-issue. Things are going great. A new roommate, a new apartment, a new 57″ TV…

During the madness of moving I went into work on my day off to say some last goodbyes to the coaches with whom I had worked. I was told that the hiring manager for the Team Lead position wanted to talk to me so we talked and had an impromptu interview. The next day I was upgraded.

The first couple days were excruciating. It was overload. Now I have settled in and am ready to make an impact. There are so many people supporting me. There are too many people in that building that just will not let me fail.

This is not a house of cards that I have been stacking. I will not come crashing down.

Categories
general

What’s My Age Again?

I have a tendency to not want to stay in the same place for over a year. This is not in any way a conscious decision. I do not intentionally go “Hey, I have been here too long, maybe it’s time for me to go”… but that is what ends up happening. I was in Utah for one year, and then I moved back home. I was home in Cali for 2 months when I moved back to Utah. And then I moved to Oregon exactly 1 year later. 4 months in Oregon was 4 months too long so I somehow made my way to Boise, Idaho.

And here it is, almost a year later, and I am still in Boise. It will actually be 1 year in October. I am already feeling anxious though. I am ready to move on again. This time though I do not have a desire to move to a different state, at least for now. You see, my job is going extremely well, and for once i feel like I am ready to set down roots somewhere. I will soon be going back to school. I am ready to take care of all my debt and get my life back on track. I want to get a house. I want to be responsible. I want to find a nice church and start going regularly. I want to get back into ministry, maybe even be in a worship band again. I want to be that old friend everybody looks at and says “Wow, he ended up doing something with his life”.

I have a long way to go though, and talk is cheap. My friend Nathan has asked me if I want to move in with him into the new townhouse he bought. Right now it is just him and his daughter, Rainy. She calls me Uncle Richie, which is rad. She is a way cool kid, and I wouldn’t mind helping Nathan take care of her. I am ready to move out of the house I am in now. It is not that I don’t like where I live. I love this house, and I have good roommates. I am not sure though how good they are for me. They in no shape way or form keep me spiritually accountable. If anything they drain me. One of them does not believe in God, and the other hates God for taking his sister at such a young age. I will continue too pray for both of them.

So do I move out? I will not leave my roomates high and dry. I will of course give them plenty of time to find a replacement roommate, if not find one for them.

I am not sure what to do right now. I will pray about it.

Categories
poetry

8-11-04

Instead of sun, I miss the rain
My heart knows joy as much as pain
If my heart should not return
Should the fire cease to burn
Sing a song for me in vein

Young love always tasted sweet
On the lips of love’s deceit
Until my eyes were open wide
Lonely I would run and hide
Only when you would appear
Rising from all doubt and fear
It washes away with the tide

Categories
general

Private Idaho

Working in the coaches program at DirecTV is definitely not the cake job that I thought it was when I was new hire. I remember thinking “I want to be a coach someday.” Well I am a coach now, and I have to say that there is a lot of work to be done. There is a lot of responsibility that I have taken on since I have become a coach. All in all, though, it’s way worth it. It is a good feeling when you see the light go on in the eyes of the new hire in week 5 of OJT.

That is not what this post is about though. I got a text message on my phone while I was at work today from one of my old friends in Cali. We kinda parted on bad terms, which is unusual for me. I love everyone. I have always been that way, but given my lifestyle and frame of mind at the time I left California, it comes as no surprise that I have not talked to him in almost 4 years.

It was good to see an email from him, and I hope he calls me. He said that he is not the same person that he was when we last saw each other. I believe it. 4 years is a long time. I know I have changed a lot in the last 4 years.

I mean, check me out, I’m living in Idaho. When I was growing up, Idaho was the state the sitcoms made fun of. Idaho is where the potato lovers live. Idaho is full of rednecks and full of punks that would never make it in Southern Cali… or so I thought. There are some really great people here, and I have made a nice home for myself. I have an awesome puppy that I love very much and a job that I actually don’t mind going too.

I made some really bad decisions 4 years ago. I walked out on a cake job, got into mad debt and turned my back on some really good friends. It has taken me time to forgive myself and move on, but for the most part I have done that.

I didn’t expect this post to be so long. I guess I had a lot on my mind.

Categories
general

Smell like Teen Spirit

With the lights out it’s less dangerous
Here we are now
Entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now
Entertain us

Over a period of eight months I have moved five times. The first three moves were quite unpleasant. I moved out of my apartment in Draper to live with my friend Jon and his sister up in Salt Lake City. That lasted for a week. The landlord kicked Jon and me out for no apparent reason. So I lived in a motel for a while. Then my good friend “Handy” Andy and his parents took me into their home under the pretense that I would be moving out in 2 months. And I did. I moved too Vale, Oregon. I don’t need to mention anything else about Oregon except it was so nice to leave that house in Vale for the last time. Getting all of Alexis’ things packed in the back of her grandpa’s truck was its own adventure.

Since I got this great Job at DirecTV, I needed to move to Boise, ID. Commute was killing me, and my roommate who was also working in Boise. So we decided to find a place out in Boise, and we did, and here we all are.

I do not like writing in my journal when I don’t have much to complain about. Heh. Things are going so good right now I’m not sure what to do with myself. Job is awesome. Money coming in is enough to take of the things that I need to take care of like rent, bills, internet, and cable (including a little extra rent to help out my roommates). I bought a washer and a dryer (They are piles of crap, but they work, barely) I am currently saving up to upgrade my computer, get a nice big TV and eventually I hope to have enough money to either get my car working better or buy a new one (I have a feeling that it would cost about the same)

I was making more per hour in Utah, and could never accomplish this. I don’t know why exactly that is, but I’m sure smoking the herb had something to do with it. Now that I’m clean I have so much more motivation to excel at my job and save money, and just plain do what I need to be doing.

I love it. I have found my niche in Boise. Maybe location has less to do with it and maybe it has more to do with timing. Any way you look at it, timing or location, I’m here, right now, and I don’t think I need to be anywhere else.

Categories
poetry

11-09-03

I can look into your eyes, like stars
A million miles away
I can dive into your heart and not
Hear anything you say

With you my spirit flies so far
Please don’t make me land
The castle crumbling starts, I’m taught
As the ocean hits the sand